Everyone experiences anger, and this feeling can be a positive emotion when you use it to work through issues. However, anger can become harmful if it leads to outbursts, aggression or physical reactions toward others.
Controlling anger is important because it prevents you from doing or saying something you might regret when feeling calmer. Check out these 13 tips to tame your temper and release your feelings in a healthy way.
1. Understand Your Feelings
Learning how to control your anger begins with understanding your feelings. Noting why you’re angry, what’s happening in your body and which situations make you feel frustrated can allow you to approach your triggers more mindfully. Making a habit of breaking down the situation can help you diffuse intense feelings.
Understanding your feelings can also help you identify the warning signs of increasing anger. Common signs like a tight chest, becoming defensive, pacing, gritting your teeth, being overly critical or shaking can let you know when it’s time to calm down.
2. Talk to Someone
Effective communication empowers you to convey your thoughts and feelings to another person clearly. Anger can often feel unmanageable, and asking for another perspective can be a significant relief.
Additionally, anger can be the result of several mental health conditions. If you have a condition such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder or bipolar disorder, it can be beneficial to talk with someone you trust about the issues you’re facing.
Creating an open dialogue can make you feel better and allow those around you to be mindful of your triggers or how to help you calm down.
3. Pay Attention to Phrasing
When people get angry, they often begin to think in ultimatums. During this time, you may think of “always” and “never” situations. For example, you may think, “This person always does this,” or “They never care about what I have to say.” Thinking in these absolutes can make issues seem unresolvable, perpetuating your intense feelings.
If you notice these negative phrases, take a second to reframe them. For instance, you could change “They never care about what I have to say” to “I feel like that person wasn’t hearing me clearly during our conversation.”
4. Ask Questions and Communicate
Anger can prompt people to jump to conclusions about a situation. Taking time to assess the situation can diffuse your feelings and empower you to have a more productive conversation.
For example, if you’re wondering why someone is late to a planned event, take a second to consider that they may have gotten caught in traffic rather than concluding they don’t value your plans. If you don’t understand something about the situation, ask the other person to clarify rather than assuming what they meant.
5. Relax Rather Than Vent
Venting can often come in the form of hitting, kicking, yelling or screaming. Although this may feel like “letting out some steam,” these actions can fuel the emotional fire.
Rather than allowing these strong emotions to control your words and actions, you should find ways to relax. You can meditate, do yoga, start breathing exercises or do another form of self-care to help you feel better. Find an activity you love or one that makes you feel clear-headed, and perform that activity until you feel more calm.
6. Reduce Stress Through Actions
One of the best ways to release your rage is to get active. Constructive actions can allow you to relieve tension and think more clearly. Whether you want to funnel your feelings into artwork or take the burst of energy to hit a new record during your workout routine, you can use your feelings to your advantage.
Try one of these activities when you’re angry:
- Exercise
- Play a game
- Sing
- Play your favorite song
- Practice meditation
- Dive into work
- Write about it
- State your needs
- Cry
- Make art
7. Identify Solutions
Rather than only focusing on your immediate feelings, identifying some potential solutions can make situations feel less overwhelming. Additionally, finding an immediate solution can be a big help. For instance, if you’re frustrated because a room is messy, shut the door or enter another room so the mess isn’t in your view while calming down. Although some things will be out of your control, it’s important to remember that anger won’t improve the situation.
8. Find the Funny Moments
Laughter can lighten the emotional load and improve your health. Humor can inspire hope and empower you to feel more optimistic about a situation than anger. You can say or do something funny to break the ice in intense moments. Avoid using sarcasm, as this can result in hurt feelings, but do something that brings a smile to your face and the face of anyone else involved.
9. Take a Time Out
Time outs are for children and adults. Spending time alone can allow you to become more aware of your feelings and how to overcome the rush of anger. If you’re angry at another person, spending time apart can provide the relief you need to respond calmly rather than angrily.
Take time to ground yourself to become present in the moment and distract from anxious feelings. Touching items near you, lying on the ground, submerging in water or taking a short walk are excellent ways to remind yourself of the world so you can get out of your head for a while.
10. Keep an Anger Log
Writing down your feelings can empower you to analyze how, why and when you get angry. Writing in a journal can help you process your emotions and learn how to respond to situations. Note how you’re feeling and how you want to respond before taking any actions.
11. Rehearse a Response
You can prevent an outburst by practicing what you will say or how to approach a situation. If you know specific triggers can impact your feelings, taking some time to roleplay can allow you to adjust your responses and find appropriate ways to leave the situation.
12. Practice Gratitude and Positivity
Gratitude and positivity can work wonders on anger and anxiety. Gratitude can improve your mental health by reminding you of all the great people and things in your life. Changing your mindset to include a positive outlook can build a strong link between your mind and body and remind you that you have control over your behavior.
When you need to control anger, you can practice phrases like:
- “I can make good decisions.”
- “I am capable of taking care of my needs.”
- “Another person’s needs are just as important as mine.”
- “There is a positive solution.”
13. Seek Professional Help
Handling anger in a healthy way can seem challenging at times. If your anger seems out of control, it may be time to seek professional help. Professionals can provide anger management tips specific to your thoughts, feelings and needs. Recognizing when you need help can prevent you from saying or doing things that can hurt those around you.
Contact Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates for Anger Management Support
Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates is a team of highly trained professionals that can help people learn coping skills to deal with intense feelings. We understand rage can be destructive, and we can provide healthy ways to deal with anger.
We offer anger management services to help those facing out-of-control anger that impacts life and relationships. Adults and children need healthy techniques to address these feelings, and we’re here to help. Contact our team to learn more about our anger management services and schedule an appointment.