Do you remember that embarrassing haircut you had back in school? When you look back, do you laugh, then squirm a little bit (and maybe make sure all those old photos are deleted)?
That’s nostalgia.
Nostalgia is listening to that old love song from years ago and relishing the memory while also feeling a pang of loss. It’s remembering what growing up on your street was like — wonderful, but also something that makes you feel a little sad now. On the surface, it’s common for nostalgia to be pleasant. It’s why we hold on to the box of mixtapes or the tattered old sweater from the first date. Underneath it, though, there’s often a feeling of loss, and most people just don’t talk about it.
What Is Nostalgia?
Nostalgia is wistfully remembering the past, often with a longing. It can be triggered by or enhanced by sensory experiences, such as smelling a familiar scent, looking at photos or tasting a special dish. When we experience it, several parts of the brain get involved, including those responsible for memory, self-reflection, emotional regulation and reward processing.
Most people experience nostalgia, and some of us even seek it out, going back to restaurants or talking about “remember when” with friends.
The trouble is that nostalgia can make us romanticize a version of life that no longer exists, especially when we miss who we were during that time. For example, if we’re thinking back to family time “before” a divorce, we also have to face, at some level, that the family we built is gone. Looking back, we may gloss over or forget the arguments. Knowing that phase of our life is over, or at least changed, can make the happy memories sting.
Is Nostalgia Sad or Happy? Healthy or Unhealthy?
It’s perfectly normal for nostalgia to feel confusing. It can make you feel happy, bad, regretful or even like you’re grieving. It can make you second-guess yourself, too, and it can feel intense.
In many cases, it can feel uncomfortable to face all these feelings, especially since nostalgia is socially acceptable. Our schools host class reunions. Even our phones and social media automatically compile photo reels from past months and years. We’re expected to reflect and even to feel good about the past.
The problem is that those feelings are not all positive. You’re looking at different parts of your life and possibly comparing them. You may return to a childhood home and remember the great moments you had there. You can also see all the changes that have happened and realize that even your childhood home isn’t the same. Even if you’re happy with your current life, going back reminds you that part of your life is gone. And that’s a type of grief. No wonder you feel confused — it can be very normal.
When Nostalgia and Grief Become Too Much
Healthy nostalgia can be fun, and studies suggest it can foster gratitude and emotional well-being. However, it can become avoidant when idealized memories replace your current relationships, responsibilities or healing. It can keep you stuck. When you focus on the happier memories of a relationship you’re no longer in, for example, you may not be processing how things ended and working to move forward.
Nostalgia has even been linked to increased feelings of envy and can cause some people to oppose positive social changes if they idealize the past too much. If we accept that nostalgia can be a form of unacknowledged grief, even a subtle kind, then it can potentially produce the effects of grief, including fatigue and trouble concentrating. Unprocessed grief can also manifest as low-grade sadness, anxiety or a sense of disconnection.
How can you determine whether your childhood nostalgia or love of old home movies is fun or a problem? One thing to consider is whether you’re living life now or you’re spending so much time in the past that you’re letting current responsibilities slip. Another thing to think about is whether you’re dealing with pain and loss or just trying to stay in “happier” times so you don’t have to face uncomfortable feelings. Recognizing unhealthy behaviors is the first step.
Contact Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates to Move Forward
If you’re worried about your focus on the past and you’re having trouble moving forward, or if you’re struggling with grief and loss, Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates has compassionate, doctoral-level clinicians to help you address anxiety and a range of mental health conditions. Contact us to request an appointment.
Reviewed By
Dr. David Rainen, PsyD.
I am a licensed clinical psychologist with an extensive background treating a variety of different ages, situations, emotional and mental health disorders in individuals and their families. As part of my 10 year professional and training career in psychology, I have developed and refined my skills and approaches through my work in a variety of diverse settings including: hospitals, community outpatient facilities, college counseling centers, secure and unsecure inpatient/residential treatment programs, and therapeutic day schools.